Today I found something written on an old notebook I was about to use to make a final study guide... Totally unaware of what I was going to bump into I flipped the pages looking for a white one, I was thinking of exams and formulas and schedules.... and suddenly my mind was swept by this piece of notes, about 7 months old, and I was now immersed on feelings I had back then... I was truly transported to that time as I read more of it - I could almost picture myself wearing what I had worn the day I wrote it. Here it is.

 I've been 100% sincere and 100% a hypocrite.

 I've been 100% a good girl and 100% a bad girl (at least to my standards).

 I've done the career change.

 I've been fully happy and alive, and have had a 100 reasons to die.

 I've never had you.

 I've fooled everyone. And I've fooled myself.

 I've mistrusted and I've been mistrust.

 I've done the merry-go-round.

 I've been amazingly smart and also utterly stupid.

 Sometimes we let go of our standards, sometimes we evade and overpass (by miles) our own and others' trust.

 I don't think I've ever been truly in love, or maybe I just haven't decided on what love is for me.

 It pains me that everyone has Mr.Perfect picked out for me, as well as my wedding scenario and my kids' names. It pains me that it ain't him. 100% not.

 His pride doesn't fit me, even his great smile doesn't fit me.

 It aches that no one believes me. It's not that I'm being stubborn and blind - it's that I KNOW, the way you just know when it's about to rain, the way you know milk has gone bad.

 'Cause my Mr.Perfect I already found. And my wedding scenario I don't care about. And my kids' names fit him and everything about him.

 He's just not who I'm supposed to love. Who I'm supposed to match with (trust me on this one).

 Who I'm supposed to ache for - even when he's besides me, and mostly when he isn't.

 I have no console, nothing to brighten me up.

 No solution, and truly no possibility.

 Out-of-bounds, one might say.

 It's common knowledge we all learn to love again, I just don't see it.

 Maybe I'm being stubborn and blind.

 I would be these for him.

 Just for him.